Generalizing

I remember, about 20 something years ago, a yoga teacher suggesting, while having us in one of many awkward yoga poses, that one of the lessons in yoga was sitting with sensation and discomfort. Even though I had often tried to run from discomfort most of my youth, I found myself grateful in that moment, for this neutral perspective, and the challenge being asked of me.

That idea, sitting with discomfort, was exactly what this lady needed at that point. It wasn’t going to kill me. Maybe the sensation wasn’t even good or bad. Alcohol, food, cigarettes, gum, sex, relationships, or tv wasn’t going to solve my dislike of my sensation and maybe, just maybe it didn’t need to be solved?

In the physchology world they have the term “generalizing”. It’s the idea that when you learn a new way of being, that new way in one area of one’s life can start to spread in to how you perceive or act in other areas. For example, If you learn how to tie your shoes, you might start to tie bows in peoples hair and tie bows other places,

I suppose thinking about that now, during this time, is again what I need. I need to generalize sitting with sensation again. Yoga practice is still an excellent way to bring the practice of being with all sensations on the physical realm. Even just imagining those moments I have sat with discomfort, are helpful. It puts me in my observer mind. I am watching our world go through this horrifying pandemic. I am watching my country fall apart. I am watching injustices caused by my government unfold in front of me and I have to sit with it. In my personal life I am watching my body deal with uncomfortable injuries and some autoimmune issues. My ears often have to deal with a child screaming in resistance of my every request. I have to breathe with it. I need to take deep breathes. Notice in this moment where I am and feel the sensation that comes from my thoughts. What does my body feel like? I notice my desire to jump out of my skin with sadness and discomfort. I have a story of what is happening and then my mind and body react, by trying to escape. Here is an opportunity to notice my desire for something sweet as a means from avoiding the uncomfortable sensation or replace my thought with some fun memory or plan for the future, also a means of escape. Breathing deeply and slowing down is the only thing that makes the moment manageable. It’s the only thing that can slow down the process and give a chance to become more neutral.

The truth is, I am not capable of doing this all the time. Many times I feel some negative consequences in my body from not breathing . I sometimes allow myself , consciously or unconsciously, to escape in to the fantasy of the future or choose to have a piece of fruit or add some honey to my tea as a means of leaving the discomfort. I am so not perfect at this.

The thing is, I know generalizing this practice will slowly change me, even if I consciously practice this a few seconds a day. I have seen it bleed into all aspects of my life. I know it works. It makes me a better worker, a better mother, a better partner, and a better person. I feel stronger, more confident, less anxious and more present for life. I listen better, try to change people less, and accept myself more. Moreover, at this crazy time in human history I recognize this tool is more of a need than a want. Ironically, sitting with all the unmanageable situations is oddly the only power I have over other. I can’t change people who are sure they are right. I can’t change people’s fear or global warming. I can’t change my daughter’s executive functioning. I can change my reaction though and that is what sitting with a moment can do, one moment at a time.